


Warning: Creeper Alert!

by ShinPyon



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: AoKaga Month, Aomine and Kagami are strangers to each other, Aomine to the rescue!, Beware of Fukano-san!, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 14:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7687912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinPyon/pseuds/ShinPyon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay Kagami-chan, do you top or bottom?”<br/>“Come again fucktard-I mean Fukano-san?<br/>“I said bottoms up!”</p><p>Can somebody please strangle the guy!</p><p>---</p><p>Oneshot for Aokaga Month<br/>Prompt 5: Eating</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warning: Creeper Alert!

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I'm such a huge crack and fluff monster. (because that's all I know really) Hahahaha.
> 
> Prompt 5: Eating

 

 

This is one of those nights wherein Kagami Taiga’s sass intensifies inwardly considering every little thing about his one helluva date is borderline nightmarish.

 

Let’s get this straight, this is not his idea of a first date, it is his mom’s and he tries to stay on her good side for the sole reason that she’s scarier than incredible hulk when she’s angry.

 

_She gonna smash the life out of me if I’m not careful._

 

Yes, he’s more than thankful she accepts his sexual orientation with open arms but just right after he came out of the closet she’s been bugging him about dating her boss’ brother whom she thinks is a perfect fit for him.

 

_Guess what, he can kiss my feet!_

 

The guy thinks he is funny, he’s just downright creepy!

 

Fine, fine the restaurant he has chosen is classy and the food looks mouth-watering, unfortunately Kagami -for the life of him- is not in the mood to eat. Not to mention, eating is his favorite thing in the world -right after basketball that is.

 

When you are sitting across someone like his mom’s boss' brother who keeps sending Kagami noticeable flirty signals that sends chills all over his body (in a bad way), you just lose all interest. Besides, he keeps on winking at him every single time.

 

_Man, is he sick or something?_

 

Did he even mention he’s in his late 40s!? And how his mom said Taiga dear, age doesn’t really matter it’s just a number.

 

_I know what truly matters, my escape plan!_

 

“Okay Kagami-chan, do you top or bottom?”

 

“Come again fucktard-I mean _Fukano-san_?

 

“I said bottoms up!”

 

“You know you’re… already out of drinks.”

 

“Oopsie daisies. *wink* Waiter?”

 

_Can somebody please strangle the guy!_

 

He’s the seven deadly sins in human form! Does his mother in actuality resent him this much that she brought this top level misery upon him?

 

Kagami keeps his head down, absent-mindedly separating his food with the fork and spoon, and staring blankly at his plate. Fukano-san is just too busy checking him out like he’s some kinda piece of meat to care whether the redhead is eating his meal or not.

 

* * *

 

 

“Anything you need, sir?”

 

One doesn't simply ignore the sexy voice!

 

So Kagami looks up.

 

Oh heavens above, bless that face.

 

The previous boring waiter is replaced by a sexy bluenette. He is so good looking that he shouldn’t stand near his date from hell since the contrasting trait is worlds apart, the more reason he feels miffed like never before.

 

On a brighter side, the sexy bluenette’s presence is seemingly a blessing in disguise.

 

Kagami drops the utensils on purpose while he searches for something… something on the waiter’s left chest. Mmhmm! Right there!

 

Start the camera rollin, here’s some maximum attempt at acting.

 

“My Snoochie Boochie Aomine! *Exaggerated happy expression*”

 

“…”

 

“I missed you a lot baby! *Exaggerated teary-eyed face*”

 

“…”

 

Aomine sweats real hard. It is his first day and he doesn’t wanna lose the job, positively not a perfect day to make a scene. Yet hey, a gorgeous stranger just called him Snoochie Boochie like holy crap what does it even mean? Worse is the man across the gorgeous stranger is probably plotting how to kill him on the spot like right fucking now. His nose is flaring and it looks like he’s ready to suck the life out of Aomine, anywhere, anytime.

 

“Sir, I don’t kno-”

 

Aomine tries to explain.

 

“HUSH Baby! It’s okay now. I know. It was my fault. I’m sorry. I want you back.”

 

However the redhead won’t keep his mouth shut!

 

Aomine and his mental stuggle.

 

_I WANT YOU TOO BUT WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?_

 

Aomine’s left brow twitches. Everyone’s attention is focused on the trio. He shakes his head in a subdued manner, hoping the redhead will get the message _Don’t do this to me I have needs one is this job!_

 

Fukano-san is a lost perv as he looks at Aomine then at Kagami then back at Aomine.

 

“I’m sorry but can you please give us a minute Fukano-san? I’ll be right back.”

 

He doesn’t even wait for Fukano-san’s response. Kagami moves away from their table tugging Aomine with him and locks the two of them inside a bathroom.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m really, really sorry Aomine-san. I know what I did was disrespectful but-”

 

“How did you even know-”

 

Kagami points at his left chest and sure, Aomine is printed on the name tag.

 

“Okay. Got it. What’s the big idea now?”

 

“Please pretend you’re my ex-boyfriend. And we're getting back together.”

 

Aomine closes his eyes and runs his hand through his hair. Oh man, first day and he’s gotta deal with this.

 

“Sir, be honest, are you on medication? Something like overconsumption-”

 

“I’m not! I’m sorry I’m acting like a total freako but the real freako is seated over there and I want out of this agony so please help me I’m willing to pay you, uh, let’s say 50 bucks?”

 

“That desperate hm. I’ll gladly help. But I don’t want the money.”

 

Aomine walks over to the sink, faces the redhead once again and rests his arms over it.

 

“What is it you want then?”

 

Kagami follows him as he clasps his hands together quietly praying for the success of his kinda stupid plan.

 

“Replace the ex-boyfriend with date.”

 

“Meaning?”

 

“I don’t want the money, I want the redhead.”

 

The redhead’s eyes squint at what the bluenette has said. Then he imagines what if it is Fukano-san who has said something like that.

 

_There’s a sink, so I would most likely puke all my insides._

 

He has his standards okay. We all have, don’t we? It’s his right. Give the man a break. Life isn’t fair, every day is tough.

 

“Look at you being all suave. Would you even care to at least know my name first?”

 

“Mmm. Why not? We might as well do this properly. Forget that we’re in a bathroom though. *Kagami smiles and Aomine’s heart might’ve skipped a beat* Ahem. Yo. I’m Aomine Daiki. 22 years old. I know a little bit of everything and a whole lot about nothing.”

 

“Hey. I’m Kagami Taiga. 22 years old. I promise I don’t behave as psychotic I’m just what you call frantic to the highest degree.”

 

The two shake hands and share a laughter that is too pleasing to the ears.

 

“I mean, duuuuude. That guy was creeping me out he keeps on throwing sexual innuendos throughout the night! His first greeting was, _Hey Kagami-chan, I’d like to know you deeper and pers-anal._ I was like, common man, the last word wasn’t even subtle. He said anal like how someone would normally say hello.”

 

“Hah! Man, that’s plain disgusting. So technically, I’m your hero.”

 

“You are. Thank you.”

 

Who would’ve thought that Kagami would find it more comfortable to talk with another stranger inside a bathroom than in some classy restaurant with its fancy food and cozy ambience? He doesn’t even notice how his stomach is greatly suffering from hunger as he is too absorbed in Aomine and their dumb but amusing conversation.

 

They are much preoccupied with each other that they almost missed the knock at the bathroom door.

 

“Aomine.”

 

“Fuck. That’s my boss.”

 

“Oh shit. I’m sorry! This is my fault.”

 

“Nah it’s okay. It’s just a part-time job Kagami.”

 

Aomine mildly rubs Kagami’s left arm before he walks right past him to open the bathroom door.

 

 _Great. I forgot about the old geezer. He’s probably rotten to the core. And I’m really starving I’m dying to eat anything right now. What's most important though is Aomine's going to lose his job! Because of me_ _!_

 

Kagami has to defend Aomine first then he's going to deal with Fukano-san. Although he’s a bit confused the man didn’t even try to interrupt them despite the long period of time he has been away.

 

The bluenette opens the door and a man a few inches shorter than Aomine stands with such heavy aura around him. Kagami walks up closer to them, laying both his hands on Aomine’s broad back, ready for back up.

 

“Aomine. Good job protecting this redhead. The guy he was with sexually assaulted another redhead not too long ago. Very humiliating how he even said he’s professional and yada yada. Anyhow you’re good to go now. *Boss turns to speak at Kagami* I’m pleased to know you’re safe sir. Just be more careful next time. Aomine here can take you home if you don’t mind.”

 

With that the boss leaves the two again and Aomine turns around to see that Kagami appears fazed.

 

“If it’s too awkward and you don’t want me to take you home, it’s okay-”

 

“No! I-I… I would love that. It’s just… I can feel the hunger has taken over my whole body. Can we eat before we go home?”

 

"Is  _Taiga-chan_ asking me out on a midnight date? That's sweet of you Snoochie Boochie."

 

"S-shut up!"

 

It is such a comforting feeling, how Aomine Daiki tenderly ruffles his hair and look, he’s wearing his sexiest smile.

 

_Taiga…_

 

_Yoga breathing…_

 

Right inside the bathroom of some fancy restaurant, Kagami Taiga ponders if he’s going to resent his momma for setting him up with a perverted douche or thank her so fucking much that even after everything that has transpired he is given a chance to meet Aomine.

 

First thing first, he gotta eat with his Snoochie Boochie.

 

 

 


End file.
